For the last week or so I have been getting resumes and interviewing people to work for me at home as virtual employees.

There have been some really outstanding candidates. In fact, I believe I have filled one of the three positions I have been looking for and suspect I will make a decision on the other two in the next couple days.

But I have also had an interesting share of, well, less than desirable candidates, prompting me to write this brief guide.

The requirements for applying for the jobs were simple: Send me a resume, recent photo and contact information. Here are some tips of mistakes NOT to make, as illustrated by some of my unsuccessful applicants.

1. I’m hiring your for your brains, not your boobs.


Just check out this prospect named Lyndsay. Lyndsay has an impressive resume. She types a solid 50 words per minute. She has an Associate Degree in Business Administration from DeVry. She works days at a local Citibank. She is a single mom and “really needs the work.”

Lyndsay I have to say I’ve spent a good deal of time considering your application. In fact, I had a number of my friends view your information to consider your better points. Unfortunately, despite your obvious ample, um, qualifications I’m going to take a pass on hiring you.

And speaking of pictures…

2. This Ain’t MySpace
   


I like to think I’m a hip kinda guy (except it might be possible I torpedoed that claim by using the word “hip”). In the ads I told prospects they could send a recent pic “or a link to where I can find the picture online.”

Of course, some of the applicants sent me to their MySpace.com profile. There’s nothing wrong with sending me your MySpace profile and most of them were perfectly professional.

But there were a few less than professional MySpace pages. Like this guy’s.

3. Begin Exceeding Expectations by Sending the Required Information
   

Many people talked in their application email about “exceeding expectations.” Heck, it’s almost like my expectations must somehow be too low.

Tom was one such applicant. Touting his virtues as a web designer, he assured me he would exceed my every expectation and truly give, not just the proverbial “110%” but go even further to give “150%”. Wow Tom, you are almost a lock for this position.

Unfortunately Tom didn’t think when I said “send resume and recent photo” that I actually meant “send resume and recent photo.” Or, at least in Tom’s world, you can substitute a 132 word email for a “resume and recent photo.” Tom it seems my expectations have not yet been exceeded. Not even 110%, sorry.

4. Google Yourself Before I Do

I’m going to tell you something you need to hear. It’s one of those little tricks employers are going to use to figure out if you are a worthwhile employee.

Unless you have a very common name I’m likely to Google you and find out what the entire internets says about you. For reelz.

So when Mr. Zoltan sent me his impressive resume he might have thought I would Google his last name and discover he has instructions on how to make a robot girlfriend on his website. You go Mike.

I hope these little tips help and keep those resumes comming.